Faithful ti'll the end

Is everyone faithful to their friends or do they use them and just dispose of them when they get what they need. Sometimes I just lay down starring at the cieling and wonder if I use my friends or at times take advantage. Or if I'm being used by any of my friends. Most of the time I feel like my friends mean more to me then my family and if I had to save someone I would pick my friends over my own Blood. Is it wrong to feel this way? Most of the time When I look at my family I just feel hate towards them and I don't stop feeling it untill I'm not around them, or I can't see or hear them. I had a lot of anger in me today and I took it out on some people who didn't do anything and I just felt like hurting whoever got on my bad side. I feel like I want to cry because what if I can't control my anger one day, what if I do something that I would have never thought of doing but because I let my anger get the best of me I did it. This is the thing I fear the most about myself because lately I just feel so angery, so pissed off at anything. I love all of my friends especially the ones in my Honors' and Accelerated classes. If I ever did something against you or upsetted you I truely, deeply apologize. I never meant to hurt any of you, I just, I just don't know whats going on with me, I don't even feel like I know myself sometimes because I do things or make even small decisions that I never would have decided about three years ago. Life was so much better back then I lived in a lovely home, my grandmother was alive and healthy, I never knew love, and... I never met my father in a bar for the first time. Maybe some of these things is where the roots of my anger lie. Whatever it is I hope all of you know that your sort of my "vaccine" the medicine that helps me get through my day, that make me happy, who make me laugh and I would never turn my back to you if you were in desperate help because thats just the kind of guy I am. I'll do almost anything for people who respect me and never ask for anything in return, except your friendship and I want to let you all know that all of you are the greatest friends I probably will ever have. And if you have any advice to help me right now I'll take it.

Love,

Matt S.